Wednesday, December 29, 2010

4 years.

Wow, I don't even know where to start.
Has it really been four years since we said goodbye to our perfect boy?
As I sit here and reminisce about what I was doing four years ago today, 
I think how did I do it?
As I looked at my sweet baby's face and watched the machine pump his little heart,
I knew, I knew that he was not meant to be here.
It seems that every year I learn something from this experience.
It's weird how that happens.  How could Logan who is not here still teach me so much!
I often dream of him. I dream he is a baby and I get to hold him, I get to kiss him, I get to nurse him
and I get to smell him!
He always smelled so good!
I hate waking up and knowing it was a dream, but am grateful for that dream at the same time!
I know that Logan is around me on many occasions.
I know he hears me when I say his name as I wipe my tears on my bad days!
I do still to this day cry for him once in awhile.
I made this video of his life from birth to surgeries to being home to dying!
 It is therapeutic for me to do this!  I don't know why.
All I know, is I can't wait to raise my baby one day.
enjoy...  :)



8 comments:

Holli said...

My daughter died 9 years ago at 8 days old from complications after open heart surgery... I could so easily identify with this post. Thank you for sharing this... my thoughts are with you and your family and your little boy.

clarissa stagg photography said...

He is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing this wonderful video.

Tasha said...

What a beautiful tribute! I was watching it with my 3 year old daughter who is just like me and started crying while she was watching it. She asked me if he still has the tubs in his nose or if Jesus was taking care of him now? I told her Jesus is taking care of him and that he is healthy now. She then asked if you will be able to see him again like we will be able to see Brian (a friend who recently passed away) I said, yes they will. Thank you for sharing your story with us. He is a beautiful little boy. And you are a wonderful photographer.

renee' said...

What a beautiful blessed boy, I can only imagine how sweet the reunion will be...hugs to you. Thanks for sharing, it helps my faith grow.

renee' said...

What a beautiful blessed boy, I can only imagine how sweet the reunion will be...hugs to you. Thanks for sharing, it helps my faith grow.

jenn said...

Loved this video, Shanna. Oh, he is just the sweetest little thing. So handsome! Thank you for sharing your faith and testimony with us. A big squeeze for you...

Emily Ann said...

I don't know you, I just stumbled upon your blog for your photography, but I cried watching this. Thank you for sharing--your little boy is honestly the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

Shanna,
You and your family will forever be in my heart. What a beautiful tribute the video was. I'm so sorry, I have so many tears. I pray for strength and love and courage and peace for all of you forever more. I pray for little Logan just the same. He is absolutely beautiful.
Your photography is absolutely stunning!