Wednesday, December 29, 2010

4 years.

Wow, I don't even know where to start.
Has it really been four years since we said goodbye to our perfect boy?
As I sit here and reminisce about what I was doing four years ago today, 
I think how did I do it?
As I looked at my sweet baby's face and watched the machine pump his little heart,
I knew, I knew that he was not meant to be here.
It seems that every year I learn something from this experience.
It's weird how that happens.  How could Logan who is not here still teach me so much!
I often dream of him. I dream he is a baby and I get to hold him, I get to kiss him, I get to nurse him
and I get to smell him!
He always smelled so good!
I hate waking up and knowing it was a dream, but am grateful for that dream at the same time!
I know that Logan is around me on many occasions.
I know he hears me when I say his name as I wipe my tears on my bad days!
I do still to this day cry for him once in awhile.
I made this video of his life from birth to surgeries to being home to dying!
 It is therapeutic for me to do this!  I don't know why.
All I know, is I can't wait to raise my baby one day.
enjoy...  :)